Obsessive crushes are my gift and my curse. Almost nothing has been more consistent in my life. No matter what chapter of life I’m in, what season of the year it is, or what else I’ve been up to, I usually have one obsessive crush or another. Some of them take over most of my waking hours with thoughts of them; some just simmer on the backburner, my favorite subject to fantasize about whenever I’m not doing anything else. Crushes are my constant company, for better and for worse.

As such, I feel qualified to advise on them. Now, I can’t advise on how to get rid of these crushes completely – because, like my depression and anxiety, I doubt I’ll ever be rid of my chronic limerence; I’m not even sure I’d want to be rid of it! – but I can at least advise on how to manage these feelings when they come up. The trick is to stay as mentally centered as possible (which I know is easier said than done), never allowing yourself to lean too hard into catastrophizing or confabulating. Here are 5 questions I like to ask myself/think about/journal about, when I’m struggling to keep an even keel while a crush nearly capsizes my composure…

Is this making me happy, or is it hurting me?