Happy holidays to those celebrating! As snow flurries sweep past my window on this bleakly beautiful Boxing Day, I thought I’d tell you about my favorite songs of the year, most of which are sexy &/or romantic in nature. Feel free to hit ‘play’ on each song so you can listen as you read!

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Nick Jonas – “Levels”

I know we can get higher/ There’s levels to your love/ And I keep on climbing up!

I have loved Nick Jonas for many years – conflictedly, but enthusiastically. He released a surprisingly kinky album in 2016 which contained a song called “Good Girls,” and my fate was sealed; I’ve adored him ever since, despite the religiosity and light misogyny that sometimes creeps into his music.

“Levels” was my favorite Jonas track this year, for reasons unknown; it’s over a decade old, but still overflows with funk swagger. Its lyrics and message are what truly pull me in, though: like so many songs of Nick’s, this one sounds like a slick bop about dancing ‘n’ smashing, but is actually about intimacy, connection, closeness. Nick wants to ride your elevator all the way to the top, and if there’s sex to be had along the way, well, so be it. Ding!

Towa Bird – “May Flower”

Don’t kiss me one more time/ ‘Cause if you do, I guarantee I’m gonna miss my flight…/ Don’t worry; I called JetBlue/ They’ve got a bunch of flights, but said there’s only one of you

I listened to this song on loop for weeks after a particularly stellar first date in October. Surreal, as ever, to be kissed senseless by someone who then had to hop on a plane and fly away – but at least I had this song to keep me company, and to help me make sense of what the hell had just happened.

They say “hope springs eternal,” but to me, an effervescent optimistic polyamorous slut, it’s love that springs eternal – the possibility of it, if not the reality. And so, even though sometimes life squishes our nascent dreams with its smug sneaker, I understand the joy in Towa’s voice when she proclaims: “I’m so used to stepping in shit/ I can’t believe I found a petal in the pavement.” May we all find a little may flower once in a while.

Julia Michaels – “Try Your Luck”

So if you wanna talk, if you’re lovestruck,/ If you want the goal, then you gotta shoot the puck!/ Oh baby, go ahead and try your luck

I adore Julia Michaels’ witty and open-hearted songwriting, and this song was a particular companion of mine this year when I was steeling myself to ask out a crush. Julia spends the whole song cajoling a love interest to make a move on her. She sings teasingly in the prechorus, “I could be into [you] too, depending on you,” reminding us that sometimes attraction begets attraction, and you might never know how someone feels unless you gather the guts to ask – or at least to flirt with them and see how they respond.

One could make an argument that this is a disempowering track for women, seeing as it implicitly frames romance as something men have to initiate while women wait around to be pursued. Maybe it’s just because I’m queer, but I hear it moreso as an ode to bravery, pushing people of all genders to “try [their] luck.” As my late grandmother used to tell me all the time, “You don’t ask, you don’t get!”

Virginia to Vegas – “Just Friends”

Now we’re day-drunk in the backseat of a taxi/ And you’re telling me you wanna kiss me/ But we shouldn’t, ‘cause we’re just friends

There is something deeply romantic to me about the idea of attraction building from a friendship. It’s happened pretty rarely in my life and I don’t think I’ve ever started an actual relationship that way, but I can imagine few things hotter than someone already knowing you inside and out – your drunk cackle, your crying face, your fears and failures and quirks – and wanting you, not in spite of all that stuff, but because of it. There’s also, naturally, the sexy tension of “We shouldn’t, ‘cause we’re just friends” – is your moony-eyed lust worth risking the bedrock of your connection on?

I wish this song had a bridge, because I always end up wondering what happens to these two friends when they do finally make out in the backseat of a taxi… but at least we get a glimpse of them gallivanting throughout Toronto together on the fumes of ill-advised infatuation: “Why don’t we go out and get a drink in the west end/ Smoke a cigarette and talk shit about exes/ Take a couple shots and see where the night ends?/ Stop pretending that we’re just friends.”

Vaultboy – “What Do I Know?”

When I’m in your city and I’m holding you close/ And the only thing we’re thinking is where it’s gonna go:/ To the unknown!/ Could be love, maybe, but what do I know?

There are many things I treasure about the internet, but one of its more bittersweet qualities is the way it can connect you with people who are perfect for you… but who live far away. It can feel like a world-class chef has prepared you a stellar meal and is trying to serve it to you via Zoom. Like, thanks, I guess, but I wish I could actually, fully enjoy it!

This song by platinum-blonde pop prince Vaultboy captures that feeling beautifully. As with “May Flower” (above), I listened to this one obsessively on loop while processing a great date I’d been on with someone from L.A., and it helped me get my head around the painful situation I found myself in – and also its upsides. As Vaultboy sings, we really are “so lucky we can feel something that makes us so afraid we’ll throw it all away.”

Jordy - “Long Distance”

I’ll take the long distance/ Don’t care where you’re living/ If you’re something worth missing/ Then it’s alright, I don’t mind the space between us/ If it means I can keep ya

Speaking of being infatuated with someone who lives far away… I fell in love with this song instantly upon hearing it for the first time, because it expresses something so true about long-distance relationships: that they can sometimes be more fulfilling, exciting, and compatible than connections with people who live nearby. As Jordy puts it (emphasis mine), “I would rather be distant with you than feel distant with someone who/ is standing in front of me but I can’t even feel a thing.” Intimacy is about so much more than just physical closeness, and when you find someone you can feel intimate with, sometimes that’s worth all the time-zone math and long-range phone calls.

Sombr – “Undressed”

I don’t wanna get undressed/ for a new person all over again/ I don’t wanna kiss someone else’s neck/ and have to pretend it’s yours instead

Intimacy is fucking hard. It’s one of the hardest things we ever do, emotionally speaking – and not just because it can end in grief or heartbreak, but also because vulnerability is terrifying. It’s the price we pay for connection, sure, but sometimes it’s a nightmare!

This song is a charmingly neurotic distillation of the fears that arise as you start to open up to a new person, which can sometimes be so distracting that you start to doubt whether the connection is actually working at all, as insecurity takes over all your thought processes: “I’m looking at you, and you’re looking at me/ but the glimmer in your eyes is saying you wanna leave…”

Sometimes I whine about the challenges of intimacy, especially when it’s first developing. But this song reminds me that other people experience those same challenges, and that we have to push through our hangups if we want to achieve real connection.

The Weepies – “They’re In Love, Where Am I?”

[I] walk alone on Lovers’ Lane/ past the kisses in the rain/ They’re in love; where am I?/ I guess I have to hope that today the sun will shine/ and maybe tomorrow you’ll be mine

Sometimes love feels like a warm living room you haven’t been invited into. You’re standing outside, peering through the window, desperately wishing you could crash the party you see through the glass – but ultimately you’re still some schmuck on the sidewalk.

The Weepies’ band name was always apt; I have cried at many a song of theirs. But perhaps none more than this one, which – despite being sweet and plainly pretty – lingers in an insecurity that many of us carry around with us daily: that we are somehow unworthy or incapable of love, locked out of it, while others seem to leap into it without reservation. “Lovers walk two-by-two, doing things lovers do. They’re in love – where am I?”

The Softies – “When I Started Loving You”

I’m sleeping better than I ever have/ I don’t even have to do the math to know/ It started when I started loving you

If love can sometimes feel like a room you cruelly can’t break into, on the flipside it can feel like a room you’re infinitely lucky to reside in, and hope you never leave.

In this tender Softies track, Rose Melberg sings of the type of love that rewrites your heart, calms your nervous system, snuffs out your fears. “I used to have a beehive in my mind,” she explains; “Now, I spend my evenings feeling fine. My life started when I started loving you.” Amen. May we all be so lucky.