It’s a well-known kink truism that many things you’ll try are nowhere near as scary, difficult, or upsetting as you’d imagined they would be. I have certainly found this to be the case. Getting slapped, or zapped, or stepped on: all of these things made me jitter with nerves before attempting them for the first time, but turned out to be not only less painful than I thought – they were also more emotionally satisfying than I predicted. Even after 5+ years of being a practicing kinkster, I still surprise myself – and my partner – from time to time.
Ice was one of those odd revelations. We first tried it on a baking-hot summer afternoon when it was proposed almost more as a cooling-off strategy than as an enactable fantasy, but ice has always meant something to us. One of the first purchases I made to help myself feel closer to Matt early in our relationship (there have been many) was a silicone freezer tray that produces giant, 2-inch ice cubes, perfect for serving with bourbon or scotch. I remember I had a bottle of leftover sweet vermouth in my fridge from one of Matt’s recent visits, and even after I ran out of whiskey to mix with it for Manhattans, I would pour the vermouth over a big rock with a twist of lemon and sip it in my little armchair in my little bedroom, feeling sophisticated and loved. Drinks can do that sometimes. I bet if I sampled sweet vermouth now, I’d be transported right back to that place of hopeful, excitable love.
It was that same freezer tray that produced the ice cubes we started using for temperature play, many months later. Chunky cubes made more sense than standard-issue smaller ones, because my partner is a sadist.
What they don’t necessarily tell you, when you read about cheeky ice-cube explorations in Cosmo and its ilk, is that this shit hurts. It’s not pain in the traditional sense, but more like the pain you feel when you get tickled too hard for too long: your muscles tire out from tensing, your body screams for relief, but you likely won’t have any bruises or scratches to show for it when you’re done.