"No exceptions will be made under any circumstances": On boldness and boundary-setting

I often think about the correlations between my professional life and my personal life, the ways in which they mirror each other and teach me the same lessons.

I thought about that connection today, when – in a stern email to someone who had repeatedly asked if I would publish their spammy guest post, a service I do not offer – I typed, in bold, “No exceptions will be made under any circumstances.”

I stared at the sentence, and thought – first with amusement, and then with a tinge of sadness – what would have happened if I had held my boundaries just as firmly as this, in social and sexual situations, from the very beginning? What difficulties would I have been spared? Who would I have become?

I am a big fan of “personal policies,” loose little rules I create for myself that help guide me in the direction of my ideal life. I know that these do not work for everyone; many people have told me either that they slip into old unwanted behaviors too much if their own willpower is their only steward, or that setting rules for themselves feels too restrictive and doesn’t leave enough room for spontaneity. For me personally though, because I know that they aren’t hard-and-fast rules but merely strong suggestions that Past Me has made to Future Me based on intimate firsthand knowledge of myself, I find that having personal policies helps me a lot.