One of my biggest kinks is one I have no name for. My blog post about it is called “You Know What I Like”; the entries most reflective of it on my FetLife profile say “you knowing exactly what I need” and “a partner who observes… and remembers.” I guess you could say it’s a fetish for people who pay attention to my sexual preferences and put that information into action – but that’s not as pithy or catchy as an official -philia name like “gnophilia” would be.
Two movie vignettes illustrative of what this kink is, and what it is not:
In American Pie 2, our hero Jim gears up for a visit from Nadia, a gorgeous exchange student with whom he previously humiliated himself by prematurely blowing his load twice while she was trying to have sex with him. Not having apparently paid attention to any of the numerous clues she gave him – such as the contents of the porn magazines from his bedside drawer that turned her on in the first place, or the way she positioned his fingers on her body – in the lead-up to their reunion he focuses only on his own dick. (It gets mildly injured in a slapstick freak accident we need not go into here because IT DOESN’T MATTER, JIM, JUST USE YOUR MOUTH AND HANDS.) Despite claiming to be someone who wants his partners to have a good time in the sack, he makes no visible effort to deduce or execute what Nadia likes because he fully buys the heteropatriarchal (not to mention cissexist) narrative that BABES WANT COCK and that COCK = ORGASMS. C’mon, Jim; I know you’re only like 19 in this movie but you could do so much better if you actually tried.
By contrast, the time-travel flick About Time shows protagonist Tim shagging his date Mary (played by the ever-magnetic Rachel McAdams) for the first time at the end of a lovely evening, doing an okay job, and then… rewinding time so he can take another crack at it. (I mean, you can hardly blame the guy; have you seen Rachel McAdams?) And then he does it again. And again. By the end of the montage, he’s figured out how to satisfy her so thoroughly that she inquires about going for a Round Two. This line is meant to get a laugh, I suppose, but it demonstrates a fundamental truth about sex that young men are so seldom taught: people will want to have more sex with you if you make sure they have a good time in bed, and the way to do that is to focus on them and their needs, not you and yours. (The same principle applies in conversation. The most interesting people are the most interested people.)