It’s funny how a person can change your whole life with one sentence.
In 2007, I was at a meeting of my high school’s queer-straight alliance, and the author S. Bear Bergman was our guest speaker. In between readings of beautiful excerpts from his new book about gender, selfhood, and love, someone asked a question about compatibility in relationships. I don’t remember the exact question, but I remember Bear’s answer with startling clarity:
Thoughtfully, slowly, he said that in terms of a potential partner, “you want someone who’s similar enough to you to make you feel comfortable, but different enough from you to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up.”
Similar enough, but different enough. Both.