The amount of time it takes to get from your apartment to the airport – including in rush hour, including when public transit in your city is a mess, including when your suitcase is so heavy you think you’re going to fall down the subway stairs as you haul it.
Which airports – and terminals therein – you like and which you hate, a distinction that will likely hinge on the demeanor of the employees and the variety of food available.
How many podcast episodes you need to have pre-downloaded on your phone to get you through your typical journey.
How long it takes you to stop feeling bereft and out of whack once you’re back home, alone.
How long you can be apart before your heart starts to literally, sincerely ache.
The sex toys that, if you don’t pack them, you’ll later curse yourself and wish you did. (Plus their chargers, if applicable.)
How many condoms or other safer sex supplies you tend to need for the duration of a weekend.
What to say to a customs agent in order to spur the fewest follow-up questions. (I am always “visiting friends.” Always.)
The areas of an airport in which you can and cannot use your phone, and how to use yours sneakily where you’re not supposed to.
How to conjure intimacy via text, with selfies, sexts, and inside jokes.
What your brain and body tend to need after the ordeal that is travel (weed, cocktails, and a hot bath are common choices for me) and how to procure those things quickly in any city you regularly visit.
Time zone conversions. Like the back of your hand.
What sex feels like when you haven’t had it in a while.
What sex feels like when you’ve had it 10 times in the past 2 days.
How to answer when your mom asks “What did you do with [your partner] during your trip?” and the actual answer is “had sex all weekend.”
How to quiet the visceral sense in your stomach and bones that you are in the wrong place – that you belong with your person and your person isn’t where you are so you must therefore be in the wrong place, even if you’re in your own home.
How to make a packing list that more-or-less ensures you’ll never forget anything crucial.
How to deal if you realize you forgot something crucial. (Most such things, I have found, can be purchased at CVS.)
How to talk about your beloved to people who have never met them and adequately communicate just how charming and gorgeous they are.
What you want the future of your relationship to look like, and how hard it will realistically be to make it so. (If there are visas involved, I send my condolences and solidarity.)
How many pairs of underwear you need to pack for a weekend trip, keeping in mind not only the number of days you’ll be away but also the number of times you might soak through your current pair and need to change them midway through the day.
The best websites for finding good deals on flights. (I like SkyScanner.)
A quiet prayer or affirmation you can say to yourself when there’s turbulence on your flight and you feel like you’re going to die and you don’t want to die before you get to kiss your sweetheart again.
The particular emotional hell that ensues when jet lag and travel stress intersect with the guts-deep sadness of goodbye.
How to get through each day on wishes, texts, and hopeful promises.