Recently my friend Brent asked me, on a Patreon bonus episode of our podcast Question Box, “What’s an unusual word or phrase you’ve typed into a porn site search bar?” I knew the answer immediately, because I’d searched something odd pretty recently: “typewriter.”
I was (and am) having a bit of a moment with regards to typewriters. I’d seen the documentary California Typewriter, which had sold me on the idea that a vintage manual clunker could tune up my creative process in significant ways. I’d instructed my finsub to buy me a bubblegum-pink Brother Deluxe 220 on eBay. I’d watched several ASMR-esque videos on YouTube of typewriter dealers clacking away on their wares to prove the keys still struck true.
And then, of course, because I’m a perv and I wonder about the sexual implications of just about any new idea I encounter, I searched “typewriter” on PornHub.
There wasn’t much to be found. One of the two results was utterly unrelated, and the other involved a woman being “stuck in a typewriter” although what she was actually stuck in was a washing machine (not sure how one could mix those two things up but okay). That’s why today I’m gonna write a little typewriter porn for you. ‘Cause why the hell not. I’ll include some clicky-clacky eye candy, too.