As I tossed my Magic Wand aside and struggled to catch my breath after a brain-shakingly intense orgasm, I reflected on the fantasy that had gotten me off – a virginal, inexperienced young man ejaculating in his pants from me merely kissing him – and I wondered: Am I part of the problem?
(Yes, that was a Carrie Bradshaw-ass way to open an essay. I doubt Carrie ever jerked off to the thought of a dude blowing his load in his boxer-briefs two minutes into a makeout, though, so we’ll diverge fairly drastically from here on out…)
Premature ejaculation – and dick sensitivity in general – has become a bigger and bigger part of my fantasy life over the past few years. It’s incredibly hot to me, the idea of someone being so excited, surprised, or overwhelmed by my touch (or even just my attention) that they can’t control their bodily responses. I’m sure a lot of this has to do with my own insecurities; what could be a better antidote to feeling undesirable than to have someone jizz in their jeans from just the sight of your sensuous bod? But there are other elements of the fantasy that turn me on too: the embarrassment that the premature ejaculator would feel; the shameful secrecy involved if he tried to conceal that he’d come, or (even worse) tried to push through and have sex with an already-spent dick; maybe even the extra-humiliating element of me talking shit about him in his ear, saying other men had satisfied me more because they could last longer. (This is false – partners who come quick have always excited me more, for reasons that should be self-evident at this point – but it’s still a hot thought!)
I can’t help but notice, though (oh god, there’s Carrie again), that this fantasy bears some resemblance to one that’s much more common and much more celebrated in our society: (some) men’s fantasies about “deflowering” a virginal young woman.