It usually happens about a year after my last tattoo was inked onto my skin. Sometimes it’s more, sometimes it’s less. But it always hits me eventually.

The feeling of getting a tattoo is so specific, so weird, that I find it hard to convey to people who haven’t experienced it. Obviously it varies from person to person (and tattoo artist to tattoo artist), but in my particular body, it feels like:

• someone stabbing me very quickly, very shallowly, over and over again, in one contained area, with a remarkably tiny needle

• a sharp sunburn or other sudden burn on the location

• the type of pain that, in a sadomasochistic kink scene, would make me think about saying “yellow,” like it was a viable option on the distant horizon, but not actually say it

Content note: As you may have guessed from the title, this essay will discuss psychedelic drugs and their effects on the human psyche.

Housekeeping note: Hi, friends! This is a rare “free for everyone” edition of Sub Missives; I hope you enjoy it! I wanted to let you know that the juiciest, most vulnerable and intimate content in this newsletter is only available to premium subscribers (i.e. paying subscribers), for the reasons that 1) I just don’t feel comfy publishing that stuff on the public internet for all to see and 2) a girl’s gotta eat and pay her bills. If you’d like to join so you can receive an essay every week about my innermost thoughts and oddest experiences related to love, sex, kink, and more, while supporting my work so I can keep doing it, you can sign up for a premium subscription for $5/month or $50/year at katesloan.email. Thanks, loves!

Hi friends! Brief programming note: As you may have noticed, I've switched over from Substack to Buttondown. Substack has given enormous financial payouts to numerous people of questionable ethics (to say the least), most noticeably the genuinely dangerous and deeply bigoted blowhard Graham Linehan.

I've wanted to make this switch for quite some time but haven't had the spoons/energy, but fortunately, my extremely generous and smart spouse Matthew Bischoff helped me transfer things over, with the help of Buttondown founder Justin Duke. You will continue to be billed the same way at the same rate, so you don't need to do anything; everything has been transferred seamlessly so far as I can tell. Please let me know if you experience any interruptions or issues, but all should be fine as long as submissives@katesloan.email is in your email client's whitelist. Thanks for joining me on this journey!

I have a problem with change. It's a very Taurus-y quality. When a big life change is on the horizon, like moving house or ending a relationship, I am filled with trepidation and stubborn resistance.