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Sometimes I hate reviewing sex toys

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October 29, 2021
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The illuminating question that is "Are you mad at me?"

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October 21, 2021
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High heels are a kink scene

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October 8, 2021
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My first "lesbian" experience – sort of

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September 30, 2021
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What if "Mean Girls" is a queer movie?

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September 23, 2021
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Staying friends when romance doesn't quite work out

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September 16, 2021
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How kink got me through a dreaded dentist appointment

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September 9, 2021
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8 ways I confront internalized anti-fatness and learn to love my body

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September 3, 2021
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They spanked me with my own book

Given how much of a pervert I am, I can’t believe how long it took me to realize I could get spanked with my own book. I mean, at this point it’s been more than two years since I received the initial book deal offer email, which said clearly that the tome would be a hardback. I guess I was a little distracted by the whole “holy shit, I’ve got a book deal” thing.

But when I mentioned to Matt that it had just occurred to me someone could spank me with my own book, they said, “Oh, I know.” They’d been thinking about it already. Classic Matt.

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August 26, 2021
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The dangerous allure of sex with your ex

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August 19, 2021
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It's August 11th.

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August 11, 2021
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Sex, death, airports & hotels

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August 4, 2021
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"Sexy Beasts" is a demisexual fever-dream

“We should watch that new show Sexy Beasts together,” Matt said. “It’s very demisexual.”

While it is not uncommon for us to describe particular people as “very demisexual” (e.g. “Wow, the host of the podcast I’m listening to just used the word ‘recalcitrant’ in casual conversation and I’m way more attracted to her now; god, I’m so demi”), it’s rare for me to hear a piece of media described this way, so I was intrigued.

Brief demisexuality explainer incase you don’t know what that word means: it’s an identity on the asexual spectrum. Demisexual people, like me, don’t develop sexual attraction until an emotional connection has formed, or at least until they feel like they know the person in question beyond a surface-level familiarity.

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July 29, 2021
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Masculinity, cuckolding, & Tom Cruise

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July 21, 2021
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Why I don't write about super personal stuff in public anymore

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July 15, 2021
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Having a ball: What I've learned about touching testes

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July 8, 2021
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The kinkiest movie I've ever seen

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July 1, 2021
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Cult leaders & the ethics of hypnosis

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June 25, 2021
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There are many ways to be smart

I minored in psychology when I went to journalism school, and while those teachings have been hugely helpful to me in my career (dissecting research studies, understanding psychosexual phenomena, etc.), they’ve perhaps been even more useful to me in my personal life.

I remember sitting in the back of a lecture hall one sleepy morning, having chosen that far-away seat on purpose so the professor wouldn’t see me scrolling through Reddit or Twitter. (Bad girl.) I looked up mid-lecture to find that the instructor was explaining the theory of multiple intelligences. My eyes widened and I switched tabs to my note-taking app, suddenly desperate to absorb what was being taught.

What I didn’t appreciate, at the time, was that this professor had a pretty leftist, intersectional, progressive view of what intelligence is and how it functions. I’d just thought she was lecturing about boring brain stuff (god, if I ever have to hear another goddamn explanation of what the amygdala does…), but I realized in that moment that she was imparting something much more useful: an entirely new way of thinking about a trait I considered of utmost importance.

See, I’d always been one of those snobs who prefers to date smart people, whatever the hell that even means. I even identified as sapiosexual for a time, which I now understand is a weirdly appropriative term that misidentifies an elitist, often classist and racist preference as a sexual orientation. But I’d had reason to question the simplicity of that viewpoint in recent years. For instance, I’d dated a few people in high school who had various combinations of ADD, ADHD, autism, and dyslexia, so I’d come to understand (far too late; mea culpa) that misspelled texts and showing up late to dates did not necessarily mean a person lacked intelligence or respectfulness. But I did not have a concrete, scientific way of thinking about this revelation until that lecture on multiple intelligences.

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June 17, 2021
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Flirting is hot

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June 10, 2021
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