Recently I went through the notes I’ve taken during my last several therapy sessions, and for each session, I distilled the main thing I learned into one sentence. Here are those one-sentence summaries of my last 25 sessions. I hope they give you some peace, or at least some food for thought – especially if you’re having a hard time right now due to being with family for the holidays. (These are written in all caps because they remind me of Jenny Holzer’s “Truisms,” which were always in all caps as well.)
CHANGE IS SCARY BUT ALSO EXCITING.
SINCERITY IS TERRIFYING BUT IT GETS YOU WHERE YOU WANT TO GO.
YOU DON’T NEED EVERYONE TO LIKE YOU AND IN FACT NO ONE IS UNIVERSALLY LIKED.
WORKING THROUGH CONFLICTS WITH HONESTY AND INTEGRITY IS ALLOWED TO BE A SLOW PROCESS.
YOU ARE ONLY HUMAN AND PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU SHOULD ACCEPT THAT (WITHIN REASON).
THERE IS NOTHING INHERENTLY WRONG WITH HAVING COPING MECHANISMS BUT THEY CAN BE LIMITING AT TIMES.
OTHER PEOPLE’S NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE NOT AUTOMATICALLY YOUR RESPONSIBILITY OR YOUR FAULT.
YOU WILL INEVITABLY HURT PEOPLE; THE TRICK IS TO AVOID HURTING PEOPLE INTENTIONALLY.
THERE IS NO POINT IN ENGAGING WITH SOMEONE WHO REFUSES TO VIEW YOU AS A HUMAN BEING.
YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND IN FACT YOU SHOULD.
REST AND LEISURE ARE YOUR BIRTHRIGHT AND “WORK ETHIC” IS A CAPITALIST CONSPIRACY.
THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A PARTNER YOU “DESERVE,” ONLY A PARTNER YOU WANT WHO WANTS YOU BACK.
STRUGGLE AND PAIN ARE NOT THE ONLY MEASURES OF ACHIEVEMENT.
THE “9-TO-5” LIFESTYLE DOESN’T WORK FOR EVERYONE AND THAT’S OKAY.
MAKING MISTAKES IS PART AND PARCEL OF BEING HUMAN.
MAKING MISTAKES DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A FAILURE WHO DESERVES TO DIE.
THERE ARE NO “GOOD PEOPLE” OR “BAD PEOPLE,” JUST PEOPLE WHO MAKE VARIOUS CHOICES.
AVOIDANCE IS SOMETIMES A GOOD COPING MECHANISM BUT ONLY IN THE SHORT-TERM.
HYPERVIGILANCE AND HYPER-SCRUTINY KILL CREATIVITY.
HETEROPATRIARCHAL AND ABLEIST NARRATIVES ARE NOT MANDATES.
IT IS RARELY IN YOUR BEST INTEREST TO REPLY TO SOMEONE WHILE ACTIVELY ANGRY OR UPSET.
IT IS OFTEN MORE IMPACTFUL AND LESS HARMFUL TO CRITICIZE SYSTEMS THAN INDIVIDUAL PEOPLE.
SELF-COMPASSION IS NECESSARY AND TRANSFORMATIVE.
ABUSE IS NEVER THE FAULT OF THE VICTIM.
YOUR HEALING IS NOT CONTINGENT UPON THE ACKNOWLEDGMENT OR REPENTANCE OF YOUR ABUSER.
